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Random_dude365



Joined: 23 May 2010
Contributions: 324
Location: Ireland

JokesPosted: Mon Jun 07, 2010 4:12 pm    Subject: Jokes Reply with quote


I'm not really good at jokes but here are a few.

1. Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone, 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

2. Q. A blonde walked into a bar. A. Bet that hurt.

3. Paedophiles always have beards and glasses. What is it about that look that kids find so sexy?

4. I was walking down the road the other day and I saw this advert in a window that said 'Television for Sale - 1 - Volume Stuck On Full'. I thought, 'I can't turn that down.

5. Susan Boyle has apparently seen an "intruder" in her home.Maybe she just caught a glimpse of that bloke in the mirror again.

6.Jesus walks into a pub, slaps three nails on the counter and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
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Random_dude365



Joined: 23 May 2010
Contributions: 324
Location: Ireland

JokesPosted: Mon Jun 07, 2010 4:18 pm    Subject: Jokes Reply with quote


I thought of another one. Hope you like it.

Four blokes go out to play golf one day. While one is held up in the clubhouse the other three discuss their children, while walking to the first tee. "My son," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the building industry. He owns his own firm and hes doing so well that last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."The second man, not to be outdone, reveals how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now has his own dealership. "He's so successful, in the last six months he gave a friend a car as a gift."Feeling competitive the third man tells how his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.Finally, the fourth man arrives at the first tee and hears that theyve been discussing their children."To tell the truth, he says, I'm not pleased with how my sons turned out. For fifteen years he's been a hairdresser and I've just recently discovered he's gay. But, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, a car, and a big pile of stock certificates."
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manstyle12



Joined: 25 Mar 2010
Contributions: 594
Location: England

JokesPosted: Mon Jun 07, 2010 6:17 pm    Subject: Jokes Reply with quote


Dumb answers to good questions

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
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fan101



Joined: 30 Apr 2010
Contributions: 390
Location: USA

JokesPosted: Mon Jun 07, 2010 9:10 pm    Subject: Jokes Reply with quote


my friends are weird! (if you want to talk about that pls dont think im just joking)
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Random_dude365



Joined: 23 May 2010
Contributions: 324
Location: Ireland

JokesPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 10:50 am    Subject: - Reply with quote


Here is some more

3.What did the blonde say when she opened a box of cheerios?

Look daddy, baby doughnuts

2. A blonde, brunette, and redhead are talking about their daughters. The redhead says, " I was going through my daughters drawers, and I found a bottle of beer. I can't believe my daughter drinks."
Then the brunette says, " well I was cleaning my daughters room, and I found a pack of cigarettes. I can't believe my daughter smokes."
Then the blonde says, " I was making my daughters bed, and I found a condom. I can't believe my daughter has a penis.

3. Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really p**sed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
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manstyle12



Joined: 25 Mar 2010
Contributions: 594
Location: England

JokesPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 10:58 am    Subject: Jokes Reply with quote


Hehe
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pogo



Joined: 14 Oct 2009
Contributions: 361

JokesPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 12:50 pm    Subject: Jokes Reply with quote


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RockyMoney



Joined: 06 Jan 2010
Contributions: 2276
Location: Winchester

JokesPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 12:55 pm    Subject: Jokes Reply with quote


T is for Mugs
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RockyMoney



Joined: 06 Jan 2010
Contributions: 2276
Location: Winchester

JokesPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 1:00 pm    Subject: Jokes Reply with quote


Questions that have Confused humankind!!

a.. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, \"I think I\'ll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?\"

a.. Who was the first person to say \"See that chicken there....I\'m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it\'s butt.\"

a.. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

a.. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

a.. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

a.. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

a.. If the professor on Gilligan\'s Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can\'t he fix a hole in a boat?

a.. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don\'t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

a.. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

a.. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They\'re both dogs!

a.. What do you call male ballerinas?

a.. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

a.. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,why
didn\'t he just buy dinner?

a.. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

a.. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

a.. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

a.. Isn\'t Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

a.. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?

a.. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

a.. Why do they call it an asteroid when it\'s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it\'s in your ass?

a.. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog\'s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can\'t wait to stick his head out the window into the wind?

a.. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
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RockyMoney



Joined: 06 Jan 2010
Contributions: 2276
Location: Winchester

JokesPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 1:04 pm    Subject: Jokes Reply with quote


I found that 1 on a website by the way, the t 1 was my own.
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pogo



Joined: 14 Oct 2009
Contributions: 361

JokesPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 1:08 pm    Subject: Jokes Reply with quote


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Pigeon
Site Admin


Joined: 13 Jan 2009
Contributions: 6645

JokesPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 1:09 pm    Subject: Jokes Reply with quote


RockyMoney wrote:
T is for Mugs


A for 'orses, B for mutton, C for yourself...

(Can't remember the rest of it Blush)
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fan101



Joined: 30 Apr 2010
Contributions: 390
Location: USA

JokesPosted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 5:16 pm    Subject: Jokes Reply with quote


mine would be a for assalt b for boobs c for (fill in with what you want) d for dumb e for epic f for fail (notic the win right there) g for guns h for hell (where im in) i for well I j for jolly k for kill or knokers ether or l for lunitic m for my name n for narcotics Big Laugh o for oh sh.. p for pathetic and so on (i do not do any of thest but i though you guys would laugh at these Big Laugh Big Laugh )
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Random_dude365



Joined: 23 May 2010
Contributions: 324
Location: Ireland

JokesPosted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 5:33 pm    Subject: Jokes Reply with quote


Here's another. You mightve heard it before.

there was three guys. They were called trouser, pee and dick. During class their teacher left the room. Trousers jumped up on the table dick started rolling on the floor and pee starting drawing naughty pictures on the board.

The teacher burst in and said trousers down dick up and pee in the corner
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Random_dude365



Joined: 23 May 2010
Contributions: 324
Location: Ireland

JokesPosted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 5:46 pm    Subject: Funny Reply with quote


I just found this. What you think. Funny eh

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